Neighbour Disputes – How to Handle Them
It’s a fact of life that not everyone likes each other or has the capacity to get on. We come from different backgrounds, have different reference points as to what constitutes acceptable behaviour, and different ways of dealing with conflict. What is acceptable to one person can be highly aggravating to another. When we feel angry about someone else’s actions, it is common to see this as a personal attack and react defensively. So, a seemingly small problem can quickly escalate to something far more serious and take a lot more time and effort to resolve.
The key to solving any conflict is to act swiftly and calmly. Start with the presumption that whatever caused you to be concerned is not intentional (even if you suspect that it is). This will help you save face when making the first approach in a friendly and constructive way. Dealing with a conflict calmly and objectively gives you a greater possibility of resolving the issue without incident. If you start out with a “win at all costs” attitude – things can quickly spiral out of control.
Disputes amongst residents are most commonly over noise, rubbish, pets, car-parking or general lack of consideration.
Here’s a list of suggestions that may help you resolve conflict before it escalates:
- Meet your neighbours face to face in a friendly manner. Introduce yourself. Let them know about your situation and what is causing you a problem. Do this in a non-accusing manner. Be clear, matter of fact and calm. If you can – offer help. For instance, if they have a dog that barks incessantly when they are not home, they may not know. Say something like “I think your dog is uneasy when you go out – it seems to bark a lot. I would hate you to lose such a nice pet. Do you want me to call you if it does that? Or – is there anything I can do to help stop the barking?”
- Focus on the issue at hand and speak to them directly. You will never win friends by writing long, angst-fuelled letters or calling the Police unless it is necessary.
- Don’t wage a war of gossip and engage other neighbours in the issue.
- Keep notes of what action you take to resolve an issue and the response and outcome of each interaction in case you need it later.
- Try and have empathy for someone else’s situation. A family might be battling with a whole range of issues.
- If constant partying is a problem – approach your neighbour and ask them to let you know in advance if they are going to have a party so that you can try and make arrangements to get the sleep you need for work. This will alert your neighbours to the fact that they are impacting on your life without you accusing them of being insensitive. Most people will respond positively in these situations.
- If your neighbours are also renting, try and find out who they are renting through. You may be able to address the issue with the Agency if the problem cannot be personally resolved.
At the end of the day you are entitled to quiet enjoyment of the property that you rent. Living in harmony with neighbours is important to us all as the alternative is to be continually on-edge, stressed and anxious. Make your neighbours friends, not foes!
